Glass half empty

[Mrs Who???]

As we all know on here, life aint always easy. But what to do when someone you know is always like Marvin the Paranoid Android?

Someone I know of several years from a message board is like that. He is in his 60s and has health problems, like so many people do, but rather than having a get up and go attitude its always glass half empty.

And every single thing I suggest is met with a reason why it aint possible.

And I end up telling him what a negative prat he is being and he gets the hump.

What do you do with some people eh I think he actually gets a buzz from moaning and getting sympathy.

He does it all the time on FB. He status says things like "oh can hardly see the keys, eyes bad, going to bed", well if they are that bad you just go to bed, cos he sure responds to the posts he gets back!!!

It's like he loves every little thing he gets wrong with him and so over dramatises. "I could go blind" is his latest, well he may have a cataract

I know he has things like COPD and asthma, but stable and he does not smoke any more, he has prostate cancer, low grade, and they just keeping a check, like they do with a lot of men his age, but it's all doom and gloom.

I MSN him tonight first time in ages, and don't even get a "hi Shaz how are you", it starts with "oh I am sooooo pissed off" and goes from there!!!

What to do eh?

[pegasus]

Well Shaz,

Reference your fellow poster....... He's breathing ain't he? I know some people who would change places in a flash 'cos they ain't. This is in no way a poke at you but some people........

[Mrs Who???]

Pegasus, I have sooooo tried that..........

I have suggested how lucky he is to be alive, compared him to, I dunno, say the people of Haiti and all I get back is "well that aint my fault is it, and my problems are, and there is nowt I can do to help X Y and Z who are worse off and it aint my fault and oh by the way I have X Y and Z"

Honestly I am that far away from falling out with him tonight.

He had a virus a few years back and his hearing is bad, and I was saying to him tonight that Paul has very bad hearing in one ear, from his childhood it became apparent. My mates answer was not "oh and how does he cope, oh he must understand does this and this happen to him how does he deal with it" no it was, wait for it............ "well I am TOTALLY deaf in one ear" ....my ailments worse than yours eh?

[RockitRon]

I think you're probably right with the "he gets a buzz from moaning and getting sympathy" Shaz - attention seeking.

There's a little of that in all of us who contribute to forums and FB; some just seem to make a science of it. More understandable if he lives on his own, I suppose. If people didn't respond he would soon stop.

His downbeat attitude to you when you try to make conversation with him drags you into his loop, and you end up feeling just as bad, if not worse - another reason not to respond. Cruel and selfish, I know, but there's no sense in both of you crying into that glass.

[Claude Balls]

Ron is right Shaz. This guy is so entrenched in his negative seeking responses that even I would be hard pressed to decondition him after all of this time. I'm not saying it can't be done. But by crikey, it'll take some time and monitoring.

One technique you could use is the premptive strike. Before he has a chance to bemoan his fate, you get yours in first. I had a female client who, like this chap, always had something wrong with her and who was forever visiting her GP. In the end, I decided to twist the equasion and after two sessions of her listening to me, her behaviour changed - much to the relief of her poor GP!

[Doc Martin]

Blimey Shaz

I can be a sardonic misanthrope at times when the mood takes me but this guy seems to have turned abject misery into an art form. We all, at some point in our lives, feel down and a bit sorry for ourselves but yer man I'm not sure I'd have the mental stamina to continue interacting with him, I'd be tearing my hair out after just a few minutes.

Claude, my glass is half empty.......but there's always a bottle handy to top it up

[Mrs Who???]

Blimey Shaz

I can be a sardonic misanthrope at times when the mood takes me but this guy seems to have turned abject misery into an art form. We all, at some point in our lives, feel down and a bit sorry for ourselves but yer man I'm not sure I'd have the mental stamina to continue interacting with him, I'd be tearing my hair out after just a few minutes.

Claude, my glass is half empty.......but there's always a bottle handy to top it up

I know, and that's why I hardly chat to him any more!

I have tried being sympathetic, but a couple years back started telling him what he was really like, and, we had a few fallings out! Now I am indifferent and "oh well" when I do chat (as I said not often).

It is frustrating cos every single thing you suggest is met with a reason why he can't do it. And when he did eventually tackle the fact he may be depressed and the doc gave him some tabs, he stopped taking them as "they didn't agree"

He does not help himself. He is unhappy in his marriage, has been for years, wishes they had split 20 years ago yet when I say if you both are that unhappy end it, you are met with all the reasons he can't - yet again!

His poor wife, she battles with her weight (don't we all) and he "went off her" as she was heavy. She lost it all and he still "doesn't fancy her". She deserves a bloody medal!

[Moonflower]

I think that some people are at their happiest when they are being UN-happy.
Perhaps you should try making him more miserable?

[Moomum]

Bill Bailey said when asked if he was a half empty glass or half full glass kind of person that it depended what was in the glass. It could be full of grit, for instance. Sounds like your friend is a grit kind of guy.

[Claude Balls]

On a serious note. This guy is a classic case of hypochondriasis. No matter how hard you try Shaz, no amount of reassurance is going to satisfy him. He'll continue "doctor shopping" until he either passes away or, the medical profession becomes fed up with him.

[Delboy]

Is this thread about me?

[paulatko]

No, no-one mentioned paranoia......

[Soulman]

Shame my Mum can not use a computer, unfortunately the screen would hurt her eyes, the irritable bowel syndrome would make her keep wanting to get up, the arthritus and hiatus hernia would make it painful for her to sit at the pc, the diverticulitus would also not help, the trapped nerve in her neck would play up, the internet would catch the flu....shame really because this month we are on the letter S for illnesses...which could be sinus, no she's got that already...er sciatica..nope got it........anyway i am sure my Mum could bring him out of his way of thinking....not at the moment though, she is on pills for depression.

[Pondgirl]

Thing is Shaz this is only someone you have 'met' on the internet. It's not as though he is a life long friend or someone who lives nearby. If his attitude brings you down then why bother interacting? It's not like you owe him anything. If he hasn't changed for the better in the years that you have known him I wouldn't have thought it is going to happen easily now.

I'm sorry I know that sounds harsh but the interweb is an enormous place where you can 'meet' hundreds of people every day and if we felt we had to be a real friend to everyone and care about them on anything than a fairly basic level we would go mad.

You are obviously a kind and caring person Shaz but not everyone wants to be helped, trust me, I've been there.

[Mrs Who???]

I was just commenting on the exasperation of it Pondie and how some people can be like that. As I said not spoken to him for ages and having done so again and his being worse than ever, thought it would make a good discussion point.

I really aint gonna bother any more